Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
- Dr Seuss
Monday, April 26, 2010
Why Must I be Confused?
I have just decided that I am to just live confused from now on. The more I try and figure things out the more confused I get, so what is the point I obviously am just meant to be confused about everything from now on and remain that way forever. The sad part is I am not just talking about one aspect of my life but really there is just a giant blanket of confusion that has covered every aspect of what I do anymore. In school, I am sick and tired of learning so I am pretty sure my brain has just given up and shut down. It refuses to learn anymore and it just wants to be in summer mode but the problem is that it isn’t summer and I need to pick my grades up a bit if I want to keep up with the ace of all the other kids who are just as worried as I am about getting into the college of my dreams while hopefully receiving enough scholarships to make it even a possibility. If that wasn’t bad enough I am just confused pretty much everywhere else too. I have a dance recital this Sunday and I am freaking out because right now in all likelihood I am going to be walking on stage with very little idea as to what the heck is going on. I just hope I don’t flub up enough that it 100% obvious to everyone in the audience that I have no idea what the heck I am doing and probably never will with my modern dance. I have decided just to rename that lost cause #2. It would be lost cause #1 but of course that spot belongs to a boy problem that I just can’t seem to wrap my finger around. Like honestly it would be so nice if I could just look into this guy’s head and know what the heck is going on there. I am sure I would probably be very frightened by what I see but at least it may clear a few things up for me or at least I would hope it would. If that wasn’t bad enough my mom keeps harping on me about what I am going to do with myself during the summer and I am just so confused I am about ready to scream!!! I absolutely hate being confused. It isn’t fun and in fact it bothers me to no end that I am like bouncing off the walls wanting answers! Obviously, most of my problems either don’t have answers or the answers just think it funny to see me in pain and have hidden themselves from my viewpoint. They are probably right under my nose but of course I can’t really see under my nose and I doubt looking in the mirror is really going to help much. But seriously, of all the feeling and emotions there are in this world I hate being confused. It is a little funny that I am using an emotion to complain about another but it really is so true. I can’t stand it and would give anything for some answers!! Preferably to Lost Cause # 1 and #2 first but truthfully I am not picky. I really wish there was some way of finding an answer to every problem, like pulling it out of a hat! That seems like a good idea. Let’s make a hat where you can just pull an answer to any problem that is bothering you right out of it! Well, almost any problem at least, we don’t need to go and have people solving problems that really need to stay confusing but my personal problems would be nice. So if anyone finds such a hat please let me know as soon as possible! Thanks.