It has taken some time but I think I have finally figured something out. What we deserve is not always what we get. Ok, so this post is probably going to sound really depressing and stuff so if you are in a good mood this is your warning, RUN AWAY! THIS POST WILL CHANGE YOUR MOOD FOR THE WORSE, SO GO WATCH SOMETHING NICE ON YOUTUBE.COM. So now that anyone who may have been in a good mood is gone hopefully I can continue on about what this post is about. I realized today that as much as I like to think we get what we deserve out of life the case is often not. You may be the hardest worker in the office but that doesn’t mean you are going to get the promotion. You may be the nicest person in the world but that doesn’t mean people will treat you with the same niceness. And you may have been through some really crappy guys and boy troubles but that doesn’t mean the next one will be any better. There are plenty of people who die alone. They die by themselves, either not knowing love or just never being able to capture it tight enough to keep a hold of it but not too tight that you crush it in your grasp. It has always been one of my biggest fears to die alone and that is just sad to think about; a teenager scared they are going to die alone. Sure I have my whole life in front of me but what does that mean? It could just be more time spent wondering what the heck is wrong with me that I can’t seem to find the one. HA! The one, I am pretty sure there can’t just be one person for another person otherwise how could so many people actually find their one in such a big world. And what if some tragedy struck a person’s one? Are they just destined to live either alone or with someone who can’t truthfully make them as happy? I like to think that there is hopefully not one person that I am supposed to go find in this big world, but if there is and they are reading this post…please call me. A little knowledge on your location would be nice too! I really don’t know anymore. I have this friend, no seriously a friend (NOT ME well I am in a similar boat but still NOT ME) who has had the worst trouble with guys. The ones she like either end up with her friends or people she is somewhat close to and the creeps end up falling for her, but then again who wouldn’t!?! She is one of the sweetest, nicest, smartest, prettiest girls I know. Oh, did I mention how talented she is because she is super talented too! It is crazy that she is single. Like the only reason she should have for being single is because she wants it that way and I know that really isn’t true. Then there is another friend (again NOT ME) who is equally amazing as the girl previously mentioned and she to is single and always seems to fall for the “taken” guy. It is so sad that either one of these girls would ever doubt their amazingness because they have been “alone” for what may seem like forever to them. It is because of this I have decided that we don’t always get what we deserve otherwise they both would have great guys who realize what amazing catches they have and treat them accordingly. I know these girls will eventually find their “one” I just hope they don’t lose hope and belief in their amazing, gorgeous selves.
I have just decided that I am to just live confused from now on. The more I try and figure things out the more confused I get, so what is the point I obviously am just meant to be confused about everything from now on and remain that way forever. The sad part is I am not just talking about one aspect of my life but really there is just a giant blanket of confusion that has covered every aspect of what I do anymore. In school, I am sick and tired of learning so I am pretty sure my brain has just given up and shut down. It refuses to learn anymore and it just wants to be in summer mode but the problem is that it isn’t summer and I need to pick my grades up a bit if I want to keep up with the ace of all the other kids who are just as worried as I am about getting into the college of my dreams while hopefully receiving enough scholarships to make it even a possibility. If that wasn’t bad enough I am just confused pretty much everywhere else too. I have a dance recital this Sunday and I am freaking out because right now in all likelihood I am going to be walking on stage with very little idea as to what the heck is going on. I just hope I don’t flub up enough that it 100% obvious to everyone in the audience that I have no idea what the heck I am doing and probably never will with my modern dance. I have decided just to rename that lost cause #2. It would be lost cause #1 but of course that spot belongs to a boy problem that I just can’t seem to wrap my finger around. Like honestly it would be so nice if I could just look into this guy’s head and know what the heck is going on there. I am sure I would probably be very frightened by what I see but at least it may clear a few things up for me or at least I would hope it would. If that wasn’t bad enough my mom keeps harping on me about what I am going to do with myself during the summer and I am just so confused I am about ready to scream!!! I absolutely hate being confused. It isn’t fun and in fact it bothers me to no end that I am like bouncing off the walls wanting answers! Obviously, most of my problems either don’t have answers or the answers just think it funny to see me in pain and have hidden themselves from my viewpoint. They are probably right under my nose but of course I can’t really see under my nose and I doubt looking in the mirror is really going to help much. But seriously, of all the feeling and emotions there are in this world I hate being confused. It is a little funny that I am using an emotion to complain about another but it really is so true. I can’t stand it and would give anything for some answers!! Preferably to Lost Cause # 1 and #2 first but truthfully I am not picky. I really wish there was some way of finding an answer to every problem, like pulling it out of a hat! That seems like a good idea. Let’s make a hat where you can just pull an answer to any problem that is bothering you right out of it! Well, almost any problem at least, we don’t need to go and have people solving problems that really need to stay confusing but my personal problems would be nice. So if anyone finds such a hat please let me know as soon as possible! Thanks.
This past week has probably been the longest, craziest and best week ever. If you look at my earlier posts, you probably think I lost it this week. I want to go back to an old-fashioned society and I couldn’t sleep for the life of me. Well, I would like to tell you I managed to get to bed fairly quickly after that post but I did however have a problem with the fact that I only got like three hours of sleep before I had to be back up but that isn’t the biggest excitement this week has held. This week has been the week of the premiere of our spring musical Sweeney Todd. It has been two and a half long months of hard work and effort put into this project and it has finally come to an end. I will admit most of the time I was complaining and this week was just torture but overall I really did have a lot of fun and met some really great new people. It is crazy how close you can get to a group of people because you have spent so much time together. I definitely think most of the major bonding came during this week because we were with one another so much! Like seriously from 3-10 on several nights and other nights even later! It kind of sounds like complaining I am guessing but it is so not true. Sure, I didn’t enjoy every minute of it but all the fun and people I spent my time with made it a heck of a lot more enjoyable than it may sound. I am really going to miss not seeing all these people every day like it has been for the past couple of months. I almost wish that practice would continue on even though the show has come to close, but purely for the social aspect! We don’t need any more real work time, just pure social!! Haha I doubt I could convince all eighty of the cast members to join me in the auditorium after school for the rest of the year, after all we were just given our lives back and I intend to make the most of it! I just wish I could make the most of it with my cast members. They will be missed and I hope to maintain some of the relationships I formed during the show! Here is a video of the amazingness we produced!
Right now I should probably be asleep but for some weird reason I just can’t fall asleep. I have been up for well over eighteen hours, my eyes seem like paperweights, and I have had to rewrite this sentence twelve times already, yet for some reason I just can’t sleep. It is really frustrating when you are tired and you want nothing more than to snuggle up under your sheets and go off into your personal dreamland. I am partially used to this annoyance though, because I always have such a hard time falling asleep because I am either thinking about way too many things at once or I just get too caught in something that had been on my mind that I just lay there completely consumed in an idea. What sucks the worst is when you know you need to get to sleep soon or you are going to be a zombie in the morning but there is nothing you can do. You toss and turn and try every thinkable position to be comfortable and yet you still are nowhere. It got so bad for me once that I actually attempted to fall asleep propped up against the wall next to my bed. I usually try and work on something boring and hope I just bore myself to sleep but even that hasn’t worked so far. I finally decided to try and do something useful with my annoying ability to keep myself up even though my body aches for rest. That is why I am writing this post. I wouldn’t be surprised if I fall asleep while I am writing it though because as soon as I try and do something productive the tired feeling just increases tenfold. Like really, I have no idea what I am really writing about and I am sure this is just a bunch of word vomit but that’s ok because at least it is somewhat productive word vomit. I really hope that after I get this done I will be able to turn off my lights again and this time actually keep my eyes closed for good, unless you don’t keep your eyes closed when you sleep. Whatever, I just want to sleep! Haha it is kind of funny because right now we are singing this song in choir that is about a problem similar to this one I face right now. My body is exhausted and crying for sleep yet my mind is all over the place and as hyper as a kid in a candy shop. Hmm, I wonder if I sing that song it will help me fall asleep…I doubt it but hey I am willing to do anything right now! Well nighty nighty! P.s. you are probably asleep right now…I AM VERY JEALOUS!!!
For a pretty video with the song I was talking about click here.
I wish society hadn’t changed. I mean, I applaud those who fought to change our society and I am not saying that some parts of society didn’t have problems, but truthfully I think the society we live in today is just a giant wreck. Everything seems a million times more complicated and confusing that sometimes I yearn for the simple. It might seem crazy at first but if you really think about it, it’s not! My mind swerves to the movie called Pleasantville, where it partly made fun of the way of the older society, but in truth what was there to make fun of? Children went to school and after school they would hang out with their bodies at the soda shoppe or somewhere else. They weren’t too worried about their future because most of their futures were set in stone. Likely a boy would follow his father’s footsteps and would even ask his high school sweetheart for her hand in marriage. Now, doesn’t that just seem nice and sweet? It is simple; there is no real concern as to where to go or what to do next and definitely no major stressers. Well now, you have to jump to our society. High school is more challenging with its AP courses and competition for valedictorian or the highest GPA, all because kids know that they are supposed to go to college and do well and make even more money than the family’s earlier generations. Too many kids are pushed into careers, of which they supposedly choose for themselves, and supposed to maintain good standing. There are several issues with our society. The major one is the kind of pressure we put on the students. There is so much pressure to do well and to be in the top of your class that it is almost ridiculous! Of course to release themselves from some of this pressure students will go off and do stuff like drugs or drink because they need the high for a moment to make themselves feel without pressure if only for a little bit. This just leads a whole domino effect which has created such a twisted society. When kids are high or buzzed they make stupid mistakes and they let go of all their inhibitions. Without inhibitions stupid stuff is done, such as driving drunk or having sex and a bunch of other things that just put more stress on students and creates this awful little cycle. Well it needs to stop before the damage becomes overwhelming and just takes complete control of society. That is something I would definitely not want to be around for.
Right now I am sitting on my trampoline eating an apple and trying to write another blog post for the week. I thought if I went outside my temptations of being lazy and putting off my homework would settle and I could get down to business but I am starting to realize how stupid an idea that was. It is official I have caught Spring fever. All I want to do is sit outside and soak up the sun while I listen to the birds chirp away and the winds softly caress the trees. It sucks because I have been so busy at school lately that I hardly ever get time during the week to just sit and enjoy spring, and there is so much to enjoy. I find it incredibly interesting how full of life the world seems during spring. The flowers bloom and the trees become green again; it is like life leaves for the winter only to return in full force during the spring. Everything is so full of life that it somehow fills me too! Although, I doubt you would ever be able to tell at school, because I am stuck inside while spring is living outside. Now that is torture! I really think teachers should think about classes outside during spring because I doubt I am the only one who feels so energized when out on a beautiful spring day. Sure not all the students would listen to whatever the teacher is saying and they would probably mess around but who’s to say they aren’t already doing that locked up in a classroom. I mean I am very tempted to stop typing and just start jumping around and pretend I have no worries as it was when I first got this trampoline several years ago, but at the same time I am getting this post done and it doesn’t even seem like any trouble because I know that it is almost done and that I am out on a beautiful spring day, enjoying the weather while actually getting something done. It is kind of amazing! It’s a having my cake and eating it too kind of feeling, being able to enjoy the life while not walking away from my responsibilities. This post is living proof that stuff can get accomplished while outside and beautiful weather all around and I intend to show it to my teachers in hopes they will read it and decide to try a lesson or two outside. It would do us all a little good. Let us all go out and live with spring:)
I have decided it sucks to be a junior. First off, you are more than likely pushing yourself into just as many rigorous classes as the seniors if not more, but then you actually have another year of it to deal with while they get to get off with senoritis and leave a month early at that. I think I could probably live with that whole conundrum just fine but the by far worst part about being a junior is the fact that one evening you realize that in a month all the seniors you have gotten to know these past three years will be leaving. This terrifying thought really hit me earlier tonight. I had just finished watching Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince (really good movie by the way) and I was thinking about my friends and then “Pow!” in a month no more seniors:( I don’t really know what possessed me to really realize it at that moment but it made me really depressed. This group of seniors weren’t like the ones before them, this year it was going to be different. I got to know a lot of this year’s seniors really well and in a month a lot of them I probably will not see ever again! Now, I like to think a few of the people I have gotten to know really well I will see from time to time but it will never be the same. There will be no greetings in the morning hallways or free time in class to gossip and talk about how our day or even year is going. We only have one more month of that. When this thought first hit me, my first response was to ignore all seniors (stupid I know but still). I thought you cannot miss something if you ignore it. Yeah well that mindset lasted a whole hour or two before one of my junior friends was like, “You have lost it!” Yeah, she was right I had kind of lost it, but at the same time I do not want the internal clock to tick louder every time I am having fun with or talking to a senior. The truth is the clock is ticking and I guess it has always been ticking but now it is so close that everyone can hear it. Most seniors hear it and you can tell by their actions. They only have one more month of high school and so they don’t have to worry about what repercussions their actions could have because they will not have to deal with a lot of them because they leave in a month. I don’t know how they seem to be taking it all so well, because I am a junior and I can hardly stand it! But then again, I still have another year. I don’t really know what kind of year it will be though because so many people that you can expect to make things good will be gone and I think that is what scares me most and what sucks the most about being a junior this year. We have to somehow fill the shoes of these amazing seniors while getting over the fact that we miss them so.
Michael Buble is the king of contemporary jazz. I love jazz. I love Michael Buble. It is as simple as that. What is surprising is that my friend who first introduced me to him really isn’t into jazz herself but he somehow was able even to catch her musical heart. It is safe to say we both are now obsessed! He is just so amazing! I could go on and on and on and on and well you know the drill about how amazing his voice and how he has brought an old genre back to life, but I am sure a lot of people would just scoff their noses and turn back on their pop or alternative but that isn’t going to stop me from trying to spread the joy that he brings to the souls of me and others! Not only has he remade some of the most well-known songs of jazz but he has also added some new ones or at least ones I had never heard of before. I cannot help but sing along with his warm jazzy feel and you don’t even want to get me started on how much I want to dance whenever I hear one of his songs. Now, this is how I felt even before googling him to see what he looks like (DANG!!). Seriously, this man is very blessed. He has the sexy but refined look and the raspy yet warm voice to match. If you don’t want to take my word than I suggest you just listen to some of his songs I have gathered below. You will realize that I am not exaggerating his talent and if you still think I am than you just don’t know what real talent is or you are deaf, which sucks either way.
Boys are stupid, but so are some girls. Boys are lame, but so are some girls. Boys are jerks and so are some girls. Boys can make you cry, but so can some girls. Boys can hurt you, but so can some girls. Ok, so this may sound really stupid or weird but if you think about it, it is kind of an interesting concept. So many times I will yell and complain about boys and the problems they cause like probably every other high school girl I know, but then again it’s not like we girls are perfect either. There are plenty of girls who cause just as many problems for me as there are boys but for some reason no one seems to think about that when it comes to the boy bashing time. In fact, I am sitting next to my best friend right now and she is asking me why the heck I am even writing about such a topic! Haha well honestly I am not really sure why I thought to blog about this, in fact this post was originally going to be a boy bashing post. As I started writing about how they were mean and made you want to cry I thought about how there are plenty of girls that are the same way, if not worse! Like seriously we girls can be pretty mean to one another and to boys! We cannot sit around and group the sexes and say one is worse than the other because it will always be bias to who is saying it. I really doubt a girl will ever argue that males are the better sex or vice versa because neither sex wants to declare themselves the lower sex. It is impossible in my opinion to be that impartial, and if you really think you are that impartial good for you but I will bet a million dollars that you are lying to yourself. It is time that we all realize that we have to stop looking at each other as of a certain sex because that is just causing more problems and arguments that are meaningless and in the end will never have the rightful winner that every person is arguing for in the battle of the sexes. The point is that there are a lot of people, both good and bad. There are people who are stupid, lame, jerks, and who will make you cry or hurt you.
So I am once again sitting around trying figure out what it is I want to write about this week, and I am drawing a complete blank. I feel like this blog has become more of a chore than anything which is really depressing because I really do love to write and to express my feelings but anymore that just doesn’t seem to be happening very easily. I think part of it is I don’t know what to think about things anymore, everything is just soo confusing and people coming to me asking me for help and honestly I don’t know how to help them. Part of me feels like I am just too busy to think anymore. I have soo many things on my plate that thinking about them all just makes me dizzy and so I have decided to shut off thinking period. I have put up a little ‘Out Fishing’ sign on my head but that doesn’t seem to stop the people coming to me for help. All I can do is say I don’t know and then they start to think I either don’t care or think their problems beneath me which is so not true I am just way to out of it to think. I have to spend all my time trying to keep up with my school work and classes, while keeping in mind that my AP exams are just around the corner and I am so not ready for them, but on top of that I have a dance recital I am not fully prepared for because of a recent injury and a musical in a few weeks that feels the need to take up hours of my time every day! It is soo much to handle, not to mention the fact that my mom is freaking out because the house wasn’t how she wanted it to be when she came home from England and on Sunday she leaves again for Dallas, and I have a solo vocal competition next Saturday that I am freaking out for because I don’t feel fully prepared for it either. I AM OFFICALLY SPREAD OUT TO THIN! The trouble is how do you get unspread out??? I obviously have no idea because I just seem to be spreading myself more and more thin and it is not doing me any good in any aspect of my life. Not only can I not help friends out with their troubles anymore I don’t know how to even approach my own worries. It seems like I am just pushing everything away and hoping it will solve itself but I doubt that will happen. I guess I just need to remember to breathe and get back into focus so the things I used to love will no longer be a chore.
So basically I went to go see the best movie in the world this past weekend and anyone who denies it is lying to themselves. Of course as soon as I tell you what this great movie is most oh you will gawk and then cease to finish reading this blog but I promise you there is a reason to continue reading:) Ok, so here it goes the best movie in the world….(drum roll)THE LAST SONG!! Haha ok so I am sure if any guys were reading this post they will have already ceased reading because I will admit it is very much a chick flick but I don’t care. First off, Miley Cyrus is an amazing actress, again denying it is just lie you can keep telling yourself if you must, she really took the part and made it her own. Like I started out with mindset that she probably was going to suck and that it would take away from the amazingness that is all Nicholas Spark’s books. Like I think I really like her music and clothing line but now I am certain she is just ridiculously amazing in every aspect! Like even going in with a negative attitude because of what I had heard from Miley haters, I still could not keep that attitude in mind for even the first half of the movie! She was able to capture the rebellion and the love and passion all at the same time! I was blown away but not just by her but by the hunk that is her male lead, Liam Hemsworth!!!?!?! OMGSH!! I am pretty sure I found the perfect man and he is Will/Liam :) ok so seriously not only does he have the most delicious body ever but he too was able to capture the emotions required for this movie. Of course, you are probably like me and are thinking oh it is just a character he is playing and that no one that perfect truly exists but then he has to go and answer questions for seventeen magazine so perfectly about love that you just want to push Miley, his real life girlfriend (that’s right she got the man both on screen and off), off a cliff and have him scoop you up in his magnificent arms! It is just soo frustrating to see that there are men like that in the world but they are nowhere near here:( but that is a whole other subject that will likely be discussed in my next post. Just go see the movie because their romance is so remarkable but it is also not just another sappy movie there is actually a plot and there is so many other little stories that go on throughout the movie.
High school. It is something we all must suffer through and for some it is the best years of their lives. To me, it is an obstacle I have to work past to get on with my life. When I was a little freshman I had nothing but high hopes for this new place where I was supposed to have fun and grow up but now as a junior I am not sure that either goal has been fully accomplished. Don’t get me wrong, I have had some really fun times in high school, one of them includes making a teacher believe my name really is Katrina, but sadly the bad has definitely overpowered the good times of these years… I used to think all the shows and movies about high school were just exaggerating the drama to make entertainment but now I think that they had to tone it down for general audiences. It is so ridiculous how high schoolers can take the simplest of problems and turn them into a bomb explosion. Too many people are immature and feel the need to cause problems and make a big deal about everything that it is like high school is a digression of maturity. It is almost impossible to have a good time when every ten seconds someone is crying about the fact that someone gave them a funny look. The worst part about it is that it slowly seeps into your head too. You can be the most chilled person and enter into high school and then slowly everyone is making such a big deal about everything that you start to loose perspective and you in turn become drama-hungry. It is petty and stupid but it happens and part of me knows it has happened to me too. That is why I cannot wait to get out of high school and hopefully be released from the binds of drama, but until then I have to make sure and always keep my mind in check and make sure I think about something through before making a big deal about it. Oh, and in case anyone reads this and is like that is not true, I am not saying all high school lives are like this. It is just my perspective on a situation and sure you may have a different idea but then again we all have different opinions.